Monday, June 12, 2017

Why I Deleted My Instagram Account


1. It was stealing my joy.
If you know me personally, you know that I am a pretty "bubbly" person. Very rarely will you see me cry or get angry. I have a pretty timid and joyful personality - which I love to share. But it seemed like in the past six months I had let that slip away.

My days had become consumed with Instagram and all that it entails. I was spending my lunch breaks and devotion time keeping up with these "engagement" groups - which was completely exhausting - and what was it for? I literally could feel my happiness fade when I sat to plan out my posts for the week.

If you've noticed, the past few weeks to a month, I have been pretty MIA lately. The reason was that I simply wasn't finding joy in Instagram land anymore. It had become more than my fun hobby - it had become this joy-sucking "job" that I felt I had to be perfect at.

2. I was replacing my time with Jesus with "engaging".
Unless you're a blogger, you probably don't know what an engagement group is... Well, basically it's a group of bloggers that go and like/comment on each others photos to boost your engagement - which in turn gets your photo up higher in the feeds of your followers. Stupid, right? I was literally laying down at night thinking about how many photos I would have to go through and like in the morning to be "caught up" in my groups. It was exhausting. And now that I see it written down - embarrassing. 

I would spend my devotion time with Jesus - or at least half of it - engaging in these groups. My Bible had been replaced with my cell phone. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it now. In the past three days since I've deleted this account, I have felt so free. I know you are probably rolling your eyes right now, but you don't know how it feels until you are in that situation. 
I was doing devotion in my car before work the other day - because that's all the time I was giving to Jesus - and came across this scripture in John. 

"For they loved praise from men more than praise from God."
John 12:43 CSB

I literally stopped reading. I was stunned. It was like God had slapped me across the face. I had been praying on my way to work after a conversation with my husband about all of this and felt a tug to open up my Bible when I pulled in the parking lot. He wanted me to read this exact scripture at this exact time. That's when I texted my husband with the plan I had to delete my Instagram account and that was the same day I made the announcement to y'all.

3. It was all about me and not about Him.
When you get to a certain point as a blogger, especially someone that claims to be a faith blogger, I feel like you honestly have to step back and remember that this isn't about you. Yes, you may have 50K people following you, but it's still not about you. It's about what you can do for others and what you can do for His glory - not your own personal gain. I felt like I had gotten to this point of glorifying myself or things more than I was glorifying God - on Instagram and here on the blog. This was never what I intended to do with this outlet. 

And to be honest, I feel like maybe this was why I have been kind of at this stand-still with them both. I think God was just waiting for me to step forward in faith. For me, that meant totally starting over and stepping away from this little world of Instagram for a while. If you're not a Christian, but you still want to follow along for lifestyle/fashion posts, I would love to have you here. I'm not saying that I'm going to exclude those from my new journey - but I'm going to include them in the right way. The focus will be more on Jesus and less on Megan. 

4. I was trying to be like every other blogger and not myself.
Obviously if you follow me then you probably follow other bloggers as well. If you look around, there's a pretty consistent trend going on - post about clothes 24/7, go on a shopping trip 3 times a week, liketoknow.it everything, and boomerang the heck out of your IG stories. {insert laugh/cry emoji here} Honestly, if this is your thing, there's nothing wrong with it! But it's not me. Not anymore at least. 

If you knew me about six years ago, then you know that the movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic" was probably written about me. I honestly went shopping like every day. I was obsessed with clothes, shoes, and accessories like no other. This is why my boutique thrived and it's also why I had several credit cards maxed out. 

Thank God I came out of this craze. It's honestly so sad to think back to. I would have a sale at my boutique just so I could go shop with my paycheck from it. So pathetic. Anyway, back to 2017...
I started my blog to keep up with mentoring girls back home - spiritually - and this little blog just took a turn I honestly never saw coming. I feel like God allowed this to grow and become what it is so that I could share more and reach more people. Yes, including fashion + lifestyle into this is what helped it grow but the goal was never for those topics to take over the faith aspect.

I honestly became obsessed with getting more followers, more clothes to post (so people would buy them and I would make more $$), more likes on my photos, more IG story views, and reposts from liketoknow.it - I'm so sorry, y'all. Around a month ago it was like I had stepped out of my body and saw what was going on. I was watching myself try to be like everyone else so that I could get Insta-famous. (totally can't believe I just said Insta-famous) 

5. I needed a fresh start.
Why didn't I just stop what I was doing and change the old account? That's a very valid question. I totally could have done that. But it wasn't what was right for me. I felt like I needed to detox from the blog IG for a while, take a break from posting, and make sure I was ready to start back. I am enjoying checking in on family/friends over on my personal IG account. It's something I rarely did while running the other account. 

When will I start back? When I'm ready. Until I know in my heart that I won't get sucked back into that hole... I won't be posting. I'll be right here, pouring my heart out on the world-wide-web for y'all. I've already made the new account and I'll release that to everyone when I'm ready to.

What's it going to look like? Well, if you remember back to October of 2016, I tried out this darker Instagram look. Honestly, I loved it but it was a little too dark for my personality. I have envisioned for the new account to be a mix of that with what I have been doing. Overall, I want it to be true to my personality and what I like - not what a billion other people are doing. So the answer to this question is a little fuzzy.

What will I be posting? More of Jesus and less of me. Obviously I can't literally post Jesus on my Instagram account - but I can share more about Him. I really want to capture more nature and travel to show the beauty He has blessed us with. I want to share what He shows me in my quiet time with y'all. I want to be honest. I want to be me. Of course, I'll still be posting some fashion as well, but it isn't going to consume my life anymore. If you saw on my Instagram a few weeks ago, I completely gutted my closet and simplified it. I'll be sharing about that next Monday here on the blog. I'll also be posting more "styled" photos instead of the typical mirror OOTD or the "standing in front of a colored wall in clothes I don't really like" photo. The reason I like the styled photos better - I can take them whenever I want to and save them for later, I think they look awesome, and lastly, it will help my creativity flow, which is something I love. I can't wait to take a few hours on my day off to go shoot and just get creative. :)


I just want to say thank you to everyone who has continued to follow along with me. I know I'm a little crazy - obviously, I just deleted a fairly successful IG account - but you're still here and that's awesome. I can't wait to share everything I have planned with you guys and to see what God has planned. 

Here's an idea of what's to come...
Monday's will be LIFESTYLE posts like this one. Wednesday's will be FASHION posts. I will be starting a series called "Confessions of a 'Fashion' Blogger" this Wednesday and I'm super excited for y'all to read it. Sorry to all of my fashion blogger friends... I'm going to be spilling some of our secrets... good and bad. ;) Friday's will be my FAITH days and I'm excited to see what comes from that - this Friday I will be sharing my struggle with worry and how I've learned to deal with that.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo

2 comments:

  1. I LOVE this!! Thank you for being so open and transparent! I just started blogging about 6 weeks ago and it is SO EASY to get caught up in everything you wrote about.....what everyone else is posting about, engagement, how to grow my account, how to get more likes, etc. But I don't want to be like everyone else! I wasn't called to be like everyone else! Finding your own voice in this industry is tough...at least at the beginning. Thank you again for this and for inspiring me. <3

    Denice
    www.caseofthefridays.com
    @caseofthefridays

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